Teaching Children訓子篇

Lord Sima Wen said, "To raise a child and not teach him is the father's fault. To teach and not be strict is the teacher's idleness. When the father teaches and the teacher is strict and still learning is not achieved, that is the child's own offense. He dresses warm and eats his fill and lives among people, and he looks at me and laughs and chatters as though I were a clod of earth. He cannot reach the heights he climbs for, so he falls among the lower sort, and now and then, meeting a worthy man, he has no word to answer with. Young men, put out your strength and seek to be taught. Go to a bright teacher and do not darken yourselves. If one morning you truly climb the road of clouds, even those whose names stand next to yours will call you senior. And though no marriage has yet been settled in your house, a fine person will of herself seek to be your match. Work at it. Each of you, cultivate yourselves early. Do not wait until you are old and can only regret it by yourself."

This is the writing of Liu Tuntian (Liu Yong) urging people to learn. "For parents to raise their child and not teach him is not to love their child. To teach and not be strict is also not to love their child. For the parents to teach and the child not to learn is for the child not to love his own body. To learn and not be diligent is also not to love his own body. Therefore, raise a child and you must teach him, and teach him and you must be strict. Be strict and he will surely be diligent. Be diligent and he will surely achieve. Learn, and the child of a commoner becomes one of the high ministers (公卿). Do not learn, and the child of a high minister becomes a commoner."

This is the writing of Bai Shilang (Bai Juyi) urging people to study. "Have a field and leave it untilled, and the granary is empty. Have books and give no teaching, and the children are foolish. When the granary is empty, the living is meager. When the children are foolish, they are loose in ritual and right. If a man neither tills nor teaches, then it is the fault of the father and the elder brother!"

The Jingxing lu says, "When no guests come, the house grows common. When the odes and the documents are not taught, the children grow foolish."

Zhuangzi said, "However small an affair may be, it is not done unless you do it. However worthy a child may be, he is not bright unless he is taught."

The Han shu says, "Gold filling a chest is worth less than teaching a child one classic. Leaving a child a thousand in gold is worth less than teaching him one skill."

For the highest joy there is nothing like reading books. For the most needful thing there is nothing like teaching your children.

Gongsun Chou said, "Why is it that the gentleman does not teach his own child himself?" Mencius said, "Because circumstance does not allow it. He who teaches must do it by what is right, and when what is right does not take effect he goes on to anger, and anger wounds instead. The child thinks, 'My father teaches me by what is right, but my father himself does not come out of what is right.' Then father and child wound each other, and when father and child wound each other it is bad. In old times people exchanged children and taught them. Between father and child there is no driving each other toward the good. Drive each other toward the good and you grow distant, and when you grow distant there is nothing more unlucky than that."

Lü Ronggong said, "Few have been able to achieve anything without a worthy father and elder brother within and strict teachers and friends without."

Taigong said, "If a boy misses his teaching, he grows up dull and foolish. If a girl misses her teaching, she grows up rough and careless."

The way to raise a son is to let him hear no idle talk. The way to raise a daughter is to keep her from leaving her mother's side. When a son has grown, do not let him take up music and drink. When a daughter has grown, do not let her wander abroad.

A strict father brings forth a filial son. A strict mother brings forth a skillful daughter.

Give the dear child plenty of the rod. Give the hated child plenty of food.

The child who is only doted on brings no merit. The child who is treated harshly and taught becomes a strength.

The mulberry branch must be bent while it is young. Once it has grown, bend it and it will not give.

Others all hold pearls and jade dear. I hold the worth of my children dear.

The Neize says, "Whenever a child is born, choose from among the several mothers and those who are fit, and be sure to seek one who is generous and kind and giving, warm and good and respectful, careful and sparing of words, and make her the child's teacher. When the child can eat food, teach him to eat with the right hand. When he can speak, let a boy answer with *wei* (唯) and a girl with *yu* (俞). Let a boy's pouch be of leather and a girl's pouch be of silk thread. At six, teach him numbers and the names of the directions. At seven, boys and girls do not share a mat and do not eat together. At eight, in going in and out of the gate and in coming to the mat to drink and eat, he must come after his elders, and thus yielding is first taught. At nine, teach him to count the days. At ten, he goes out to a teacher outside the house, lives and sleeps outside, and learns writing and reckoning."

Pang Degong's Poem Warning His Son says, "A man may carry a hundred skills on his body and it is well, but do not go near the gambling house. It can turn a hero into a low and worthless man, and it knows how to make the rich and noble into starving poor. When your clothes are in rags, kin and friends laugh at you. When your fields have melted away, your own flesh and blood is angry with you. If you do not believe it, look about your village. How many in plain sight have fallen into ruin?

"One and the same human body, and how many kinds of mind. The same tea and the same rice, and the same people. The light comes to all at one time and the night comes to all at one time, and how many are rich and noble and how many are poor? The gentleman keeps ritual and right even in poverty. The small man grows suddenly rich and at once looks down on others. The Dragon King of the Eastern Sea is always in the world, so do not laugh at the one who has lost his time because your own time has come. Let everyone bear and endure and live as one. Who knows which of them will live a hundred years?

"On barren ground the flowers open late. In poverty good fortune is slow to come. Do not say that the snake has no horns. Whether it will become a dragon is not yet known. Only look at the moon in the sky. It is round, and then there is a time when it wanes."