Ordering the House治家篇

Lord Sima Wen said, "All those who are younger and lower in the house, in matters great or small, must not act as they please. They must ask the elder of the house first."

Be diligent and thrifty, and there is always enough. You will not be in want even in old age.

A guest must not be received with less than plenty. A house must not be ordered with less than thrift.

While you have money, always prepare for the day you have none. While you are at ease and happy, you must guard against the time of sickness.

A strong servant has no manners. A spoiled child has no filial duty.

Teach the wife when she first comes. Teach the child while he is small.

Taigong said, "A foolish man fears his wife. A worthy wife respects her husband."

When you set servants to work, ask first whether they are hungry or cold.

Guard at every hour against fire breaking out. Guard every night against thieves coming in.

When the child is filial, both parents are glad. When the house is at peace, ten thousand things are done.

The Jingxing lu says, "Look at whether the morning and evening meals come early or late, and you can tell whether a house is rising or falling."

Lord Sima Wen said, "When a marriage is discussed, look first at the nature and conduct of the man or the woman and at the rule of their house. Do not meanly long for their wealth and rank. If he is truly worthy, he may be poor and low now, but who knows that he will not be rich and honored another day? If he is truly unworthy, he may be rich and flourishing now, but who knows that he will not be poor and low another day? It is through the wife that a house rises or falls. Take a wife out of longing for a moment's wealth and rank, and she will lean on that wealth and rank, and few such wives fail to make light of the husband and be haughty with his father and mother. A proud and jealous nature is bred in her, and where is the end of the trouble it brings in later days? Suppose a man grows rich by his wife's goods and becomes honored by leaning on his wife's power. If he truly has the will and spirit of a man, can he be without shame?"

Master Hu of Anding said, "When you marry a daughter out, it must be to a house better than your own. If the house is better than your own, your daughter will surely be respectful and careful in serving her husband. When you take a wife in for your son, it must be from a house not so good as your own. If the house is not so good as your own, the wife will surely keep the way of a wife in serving her husband's father and mother."

A man full grown who has not married is like a wild horse with no halter. A woman full grown who has not married is like the head man caught carrying smuggled salt (私鹽).

Wenzhongzi said, "To weigh goods in a marriage is the way of barbarians."

Lord Sima Wen said, "Whoever is head of a house must keep ritual and rule with care in leading the young men and all the people of the house. Divide the duties among them and hand each a task, and then hold them to its completion. Set a measure for the spending of goods. Reckon what comes in to decide what goes out. Match the clothing and food of high and low, and the cost of weddings and funerals, to what the house has and has not. Let all of it have its grade and its measure, so that nothing is uneven. Cut away spending that is not needed. Forbid extravagance and show. You must always keep a little over, to be ready for what you did not look for."

Master Gu Dongqiao said, "To spend heavily and undertake much is not so good as to cut down the doing and keep to thrift."

An earlier scholar said, "A guest should be served cleanly, not lavishly. Not only can lavishness not be kept up. It is not the way to spare your blessings either."

Master Zhu Ermei Shuqing said, "The master is the model the whole house looks to. If I am diligent, how would any of them dare be idle? If I am fair, how would any of them dare be partial? If I enjoy fine clothes and fine food, how can I let them go hungry and cold? If I have married off my sons and daughters, then the servants too must be given their place. One husband and one wife is the right way of the world. A lone yin and a lone yang are a flaw in human life. A man without a son cannot help but marry, but why should a man who has a son keep many concubines? If a man has taken a concubine and she has borne nothing for a long time, he should fear that he is wasting her youth and that she cannot escape the sorrow of the inner room. He should find her a good match in good time and let her have a house of her own. How much bitter karma that saves, and how many bonds it unties. As his vigor slowly fails and his years slowly go by, a man looks in the mirror and sighs to himself. Will he still ask whether a soft and pretty one delights him? Know that the years are few, that gold cannot buy me, and that a beautiful face cannot spy me out."

It is hard to build up a house, and keeping it is not easy either. All that those before us spent their heart and strength on was a plan for their children and grandchildren. Those who come after should think on it deeply, and not only keep what is there now but widen the gate of the house still further. An unworthy son looks on all of it as clods and chaff and fears only that he cannot throw it away fast enough. In the worst case there is not room in his house to stand an awl, and he idles and eats and is content to be beneath others and does not know shame. This is truly a thing to grieve over. Rather than come to beg from others, which is very hard, and to repent when it is too late, it is better to be careful from the first, to be diligent and thrifty, and to lay a wholly safe plan early.