A Letter Submitted to Director Yun Wi (尹威)呈尹郞中威書
月日。某官某再拜。上短書于天曹郞中座右。僕是相國河東公之門下生也。拔出於千百人中。署爲第一。是可謂特達之遇矣。閣下於相國爲玉潤。則宜遇僕如弟行。而凡相國所以待僕之始末也。閣下又宜知之。故言之不疑。相國方柄用時。喜推轂後進。故士之沐膏潤霑滋液者。不爲不多。僕居門下。獨不得與蒙斯恩者。非相國之過。而乃僕之自召也。蓋僕少時。嘗使酒放曠。因得狂易之名。則相國非不欲成就之也。蓋忌狂名。不早爲之地。但以爲年少負氣狂之耳。行且自改。然後用之未晚也。及被病乞退也。俾予作三表。然後大加賞愛。不以僕爲狂。追咎往者之不用。於蟻床中裁箚子甚力。遂薦于上。上亦聞予狂名。竟不能用。以是窮蟄至於是也。宗伯尙爾。況他人哉。自搢紳至于朋伴。莫不以狂目之。僕亦不堪衆人之口。因自號狂客。狂非虛名。亦誠有之。夫大丈夫有才不奮。有蘊不洩。則氣洶洶如水之遇廻曲而渟蓄吼怒。不得發洩。及中酒然後氣發於胸次。到于喉吻。如水之決隄齧岸。崩騰汎溢。不能自止。盡洩然後已。是所以狂也。然此特失意之中憑酒而狂耳。非若中風狂走者。若一旦得意。爲官爵功名所能銜勒。則雖以百計勸之爲狂。終不肯爾。何則。窮則薄其生。達則嗇其身。是亦人之常情也。況士之自狂而反者。不可爲致遠之器。盍覩夫馬乎。馬本在人家。馴服柔良者。則雖間有奇種。亦鮮見籋雲逐日之足矣。其若生長山林海島之間者。見人狂走若駭鹿然。不可遽捉。設捉之。亦不可易馭。幸縻而致之。養于人家。猶啖嚙樹木。不習芻粟。馭則赴坑谷馳淵川。迨馭者僵仆然後乃止。及日久稍狃於人。於是乎屢加銜勒。習以步驟。則足成千里之逸蹄矣。虎帝曰。泛駕之馬。跅弛之士。御之而已。蓋謂此也。嗟乎。一國之人。莫不以僕爲狂人。而及閣下見之。一接笑談。然後知僕之不狂。卽以國士遇之。恨相知之晚。僕每造門。輒倒屣欣迎。促膝握手。朝不知日晡。晚或侵夜分。僕或被酒狂叫。閣下猶不以爲狂。而乃曰。此子實不狂也。但緣有才不奮。無所發洩而爲此也。雖昔鮑叔管仲之相知。白牙子期之暗契。亦何以加之哉。若爾則閣下之於僕。可謂密勿繾綣。心照神交者。而今幸當天曹銓選之任。似可拯拔。則僕若眞狂者。決自必於心恃舊冒觸。略無疑忌。若不幸不如意。則反成怨恚。孤負從前繾綣顧眄之恩矣。僕不然。以愚心忖之。閣下特天曹之執事官耳。非領天曹而主張其柄者也。但因事乘便。微扣于執政相國而已。過此。想不能有所專輒矣。欲扣而無便隙之乘。則無可奈何。已扣而不見聽。則亦無可奈何矣。其得與未得。在一頃刻間耳。皆命也。豈敢多言。
On a certain day of a certain month, so-and-so of such and such an office bows twice and submits this short letter to the side of the Director of the Board of Personnel (天曹).
I am a disciple of the gate of the Chancellor, the Lord of Hadong (河東公). I was picked from among a thousand and a hundred men and set down as first, and this may be called a meeting of rare understanding. Your Excellency is son-in-law to the Chancellor, and so you will surely treat me as a younger brother. And the beginning and the end of the Chancellor's treatment of me must also be known to Your Excellency, and so I speak without misgiving.
When the Chancellor held power and was in use, he delighted in pushing forward those who came after, and so the scholars who bathed in his rich bounty and were wetted by his sweet water were not few. I was within his gate and alone did not receive that kindness; and this was no fault of the Chancellor's but something I called upon myself.
For in general, when I was young I made free with wine and played unchecked and earned the name of being mad and reckless. It was not that the Chancellor did not wish to make something of me; it was rather that he shrank from the name of madness and so did not early make a place for me. He held only that my madness came of being young in years and trusting to my spirits, and that it would not be too late to use me after I had gradually mended of myself. When he fell ill and asked to withdraw, he had me compose three memorials, and after that he praised and loved me greatly and no longer held me mad, and repented late that he had not used me before. From his sickbed he composed a memorandum (箚子) with great effort and at last recommended me to the king; but the king too had heard the name of my madness, and so in the end I could not be used. For this reason I have lain in poverty and come to this.
If it was so even with the Head of the Clan, how much more with others? From the officials down to my own friends, there is none who does not look upon me as mad. I too could not bear the mouths of the many, and called myself the Mad Guest (狂客). My madness is not a mere empty name; there is truly something in it.
Now when a great man has talent and cannot shake it out, and has something stored up and cannot pour it forth, then his spirits seethe, as water that meets a bend is dammed and heaped up and roars and cannot break through. Only after he is drunk with wine does the spirit rise from his breast and reach his throat and mouth, as water bursts the dike and bites the bank away and floods over and cannot stop of itself until it has poured out all. This is why I am mad. Yet this is only being mad by leaning on wine in the midst of having lost one's purpose, and is not the same as running mad in a stroke of palsy. If in a single morning I were to gain my purpose, and office and fame became bit and bridle for me, then though men coaxed me a hundred ways and urged me to be mad, I should never be so in the end. Why is this? When a man is in straits he holds his life light, and when he is in the way of advancement he cherishes his own body; and this too is the ordinary heart of men. How much more should a scholar who has turned back from his own madness not be a vessel that may reach far?
Do you not look at horses? Those horses that have been in men's houses from the first and are broken and soft and docile — though there be among them now and then a rare strain, feet that tread the clouds and chase the sun are seldom seen in them. Those born and reared among the hills and forests and the sea islands, when they see a man, bolt as madly as a startled deer and cannot be caught at once. And even when caught, they cannot easily be put to use. If one is fortunate enough to tether and lead such a one away and rear it in a man's house, it will still chew wood and not be used to fodder and grain. Put to use, it leaps into pits and valleys and runs into ponds and streams, and does not stop until the man who drives it has been thrown. When the days have grown long and it has gradually grown used to men, then one puts bit and bridle on it again and trains its walking and its running, and at last it becomes an excellent hoof that goes a thousand li. Emperor Wu of Han said, "A horse that overturns the carriage and a scholar who goes his own way have only to be put to use," and he meant, in general, just this.
Ah — of all the people of the country there is none who does not call me a madman; and yet Your Excellency, having seen me and laughed once and talked with me, knew that I was not mad and at once treated me as a scholar of the state, and regretted that we had come to know each other so late. Whenever I came to your gate you put on your shoes backward in your gladness to meet me, and we sat knee to knee and held hands, so that meeting in the morning we did not notice the sun decline, and in the evening we came on to deep night. And though I sometimes shouted as if mad when drunk, Your Excellency still did not hold me mad, but said: "This man is not truly mad. It is only that he has talent and cannot shake it out and has nowhere to pour it forth, and so he is thus." Even the mutual knowing of Bao Shu and Guan Zhong of old, or the wordless accord of Boya and Zhong Ziqi (鍾子期), what could they add to this?
If it is so, then Your Excellency may be called one who has secretly bound himself to me with all his heart and shone inwardly upon me and befriended me deeply. And now that you happily hold the place of choosing men in the Board of Personnel and might well haul me up, if I were truly a madman I should resolve in my heart and trust in our old friendship and press upon you rashly, without the least doubt or scruple. And then, if I were not fortunate and it did not go as I wished, it would turn into resentment, and I should betray the kindness with which you bound yourself to me and looked after me before.
I am not such. Reckoning with my foolish heart, Your Excellency is only an officer who attends to the business of the Board of Personnel, and not one who leads the Board and holds its power in his own hand. I think that you can only, as matters allow and taking a convenient moment, knock quietly at the door of the Chancellor who holds the government; and beyond this you cannot act alone as you please. And if you would knock and there is no convenient opening to take, there is nothing to be done; and if you have knocked and are not heard, again there is nothing to be done. Getting and not getting hang upon a single moment, and all is destiny. How should I dare to say much?