A Woman's Conduct婦行篇

Confucius said, "A wife lives in submission to another. Therefore she has no duty of deciding matters for herself, but she has the way of the three followings (三從): at home she follows her father, when she marries she follows her husband, and when her husband dies she follows her son. There is nothing she dares to carry through by her own will. Her teaching and her orders do not pass beyond the inner chamber, and her work lies only in preparing and serving food. Therefore a girl grows up within the inner chamber, and she does not hasten a hundred li to a funeral. She does nothing on her own authority, and she brings no act to completion alone. She takes part and knows before she acts, and she can prove a thing before she speaks. By day she does not wander in the courtyard. When she goes abroad at night she carries a torch, and without a torch she stays. This is how the virtue of a wife is kept upright."

The Yizhi shu says, "A woman has four virtues that bring her praise. The first is womanly virtue (婦德), the second womanly bearing (婦容), the third womanly speech (婦言), the fourth womanly work (婦工). Womanly virtue does not require talent bright and surpassing. Womanly bearing does not require a face beautiful and fair. Womanly speech does not require a ready tongue and sharp words. Womanly work does not require skill of hand beyond other people.

Womanly virtue is to be pure and upright, honest and steadfast, to keep one's place and hold oneself in order, to know shame in one's comings and goings, and to have a rule in movement and in stillness. This is womanly virtue. Womanly speech is to choose one's words before speaking, to say nothing wrong, and to speak only when the time has come, so that people do not tire of one's words. This is womanly speech. Womanly bearing is to wash away dust and grime, to keep one's clothing fresh and clean, and to bathe in due season, so that the whole body is without filth. This is womanly bearing. Womanly work is to be diligent at spinning and weaving above all, not to be fond of brewing wine, and to prepare good food to serve guests. This is womanly work.

These four virtues are the great virtues of a wife. To practice them is very easy, and the effort lies in uprightness. To act according to them is a wife's propriety."

Taigong said, "The propriety of a wife is this. Her speech must be fine and low. Her walk must be a slow step. When she halts she composes her face, and when she moves she goes with modest care. Her ear does not stray to what lies beside her, and her eye does not stray to what lies beside her. She goes out with no fawning look. She lets fall no ornamented pleat of her skirt. She does not peep or gaze at window and door. She rises early and sleeps late, and does not shrink from toil. In fear and trembling she is always anxious lest she be stained and disgraced."

A worthy wife makes her husband honored; a bad wife brings her husband to ruin.

When a house has a worthy wife, her husband does not meet with sudden disaster.

A worthy wife keeps the six kinsfolk in harmony; a flattering wife breaks the six kinsfolk apart.

Someone asked, "By the rites it seems a widow may not be taken to wife. How is it?" Master Yichuan said, "To take a wife is to make a mate for one's own person. If a man takes one who has lost her constancy, then he himself has lost his constancy." He asked again, "If there is a widow who is poor and has no one to depend on, may she marry a second time?" He said, "It is only that later ages fear death by hunger and cold, and so this saying arose. But to starve to death is a very small matter, and to lose one's constancy is a very great matter."

The Lienü zhuan says, "In old times, when a wife was carrying a child, she did not lie on her side in sleep, she did not sit on the edge of her seat, and she did not stand on one foot. She did not eat what tasted improper. If a thing was not cut straight she did not eat it, and if her mat was not straight she did not sit. Her eye did not look on improper colors, and her ear did not listen to lewd sounds. At night she had a blind musician recite poems and speak of upright matters. In this way the child she bore was upright in form and face, and surpassed others in talent and wisdom."